Politics | Recovery | Current Obsessions

The other day, I ran into someone who told me about a friend who used to be a daily, high-functioning ketamine user (now in recovery).

I’ve taken ketamine under a doctor’s supervision for treatment-resistant depression, and from that limited experience, I’m floored by the idea of being remotely functional on ketamine. Yes, the dose in a clinic is high, but even in the tail end I can feel how distorted my thinking is. In the middle of it, I can barely tell my body exists. The few times I’ve tried to write while it’s still in my system, I’ve produced near-gibberish. (It was very effective in treating my depression; a story for another time.)

So, for no reason related to current events, I asked to connect with the former daily ketamine user and ask a few questions.

***

Me: So, you did ketamine every day? Were you working?

Former daily ketamine user: Yeah, it’s pretty wild. I was running my own business, actually—working with heavy equipment on a regular basis. It was very successful. But I was getting high before work, before dealing with clients.

Me: I am having trouble imagining how that’s possible.

FDKU: Well, like anything, you develop a tolerance—or at least an ability to mask it. I knew I was high. I just tried not to act high. And I set my own schedule, so I could hide it.

Me: You mentioned to my friend that your bottom wasn’t really a “bottom”?

FDKU: No. What happened was I started to think I was Jesus… or not Jesus, but a messiah. I was really excited about it. I thought I had this great message for the world and I figured out who my apostles would be. I decided to throw a big party and invite all of them—my sister was one of the apostles. By that point I was on all kinds of drugs, but I thought that was part of my messiah-ness, so when she came over I just had them all laying around. I wasn’t embarrassed. I wasn’t hiding it.

Me: And she flipped out?

FDKU: No. She just grabbed my arm and took me to a treatment center.

Me: You were willing to go?

FDKU: Sure. I figured I’d tell them about how I was the messiah and didn’t need their help. I was going to help them.

Me: How’d that work out?

FDKU: Turned out they didn’t need my help. I was still delusional for a few days after the ketamine was out of my system, but I’ve been sober since then.

Me: Do you think it’s possible for other people to use ketamine daily and still function?

FDKU: What do you mean by “function”?

Me: Excellent point. Congratulations on your sobriety!

FDKU: Wouldn’t trade it for the world.

In other news…

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